You thought when he went to drug addiction rehab that everything would be just fine. Once he stopped using drugs the problems would go away. Now you find the arguments are still happening and it makes no sense. It actually does once you understand why and what you can do to correct it.
Old habits die hard:
By the time most addicts seek help, they have been using drugs for quite awhile and that chaos set up a whole new family dynamic. Be honest, for the weeks or months leading to his rehab experience it got pretty rough. All of your arguments ended in fighting about his drug use. Everything that went wrong could be righted if he would only stop using drugs, right? Not true, but it became the scapegoat. Now, even though he is clean and sober, arguments naturally migrate to his past drug use and it being his entire fault again, just out of habit.
Change the game plan:
Make an agreement that for the next month, the topics of drug use, addiction and his past behaviors are off limits during arguments. You can discuss them in other conversations but when arguing, they cannot be mentioned at all. This prevents you or him from deflecting what the real argument is about and moving it to past patterns. Hopefully, this will help you keep focused on the issue at hand.
Acknowledging the present:
One of the reasons rehab experts typically invite family members to at least one family session is because they know how hard it is to let go of the past. Once the addict comes home you may resent that he reacts differently to your anger and no longer makes it easy to blame him. This is a natural response to sobriety. A therapist or a rehab counselor at Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings can help change that thought pattern.
While he was using drugs, you developed coping skills and responses that helped you get through those times. They are still ingrained, even though no longer needed. Recognizing your “automatic thinking” is the first step to developing a new way of reacting when you disagree with things he says and does. 3 Quick Ways to Fix and ArgumentOn rejecting addiction and drama